


What's The Problem? I Don't Know (Maybe I'm In Love)

by theperkofbeingaloser



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Attempt at Humor, Feelings Realization, M/M, Minor Injuries, Protective Eddie Kaspbrak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 10:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theperkofbeingaloser/pseuds/theperkofbeingaloser
Summary: "Mike is at my house, Maggie told him to get some rest since you would probably go to her house later to take care of Richie."Eddie's breath catches in his throat. "Oh.""Yeah,oh," Bill laughs. "Was that really necessary, though? Because I'm the closest to Richie, Bill! We have sleepovers on weekdays and we go to the movies on Sundays without inviting y'all!" Bill teases, in a poor attempt to imitate Eddie's voice, and Eddie's face heats up to the tip of his ears. "Oh, if you only knew all the things I know about him that you don't! Blah blah blah blah.""Okay, okay, I get it.""What I was trying to say before you got weirdly jealous of your boyfriend-""I didn't... and he's not..."





	What's The Problem? I Don't Know (Maybe I'm In Love)

**Author's Note:**

> hello it's me again because apparently i don't know when to stop. this little thingy is divided in two chapters for... reasons. this is my first time writing from Eddie's pov so i hope this is okay. also the losers are, like, 16/17 in this. thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> rated T for language and title from accidentally in love by counting crows.

Fifty-three. That's the number of times that Eddie has turned around his room in the last half hour. And he's counting because, if he wasn't, he would probably be throwing up from his nerves, or worse, _ crying _.

Eddie can't cry, Mike said he would call him soon, and that soon means anytime now. How could he explain his crying? Maggie had asked Mike for his phone so she could talk to Eddie at some point in their conversation, and not even her was crying. Concerned, yes, it was clear in her voice, and perhaps a little accelerated -she kept running over her own words- but collected. She patiently explained to Eddie everything Mike forgot to do between 'the doctor said he could have died!' and 'but he's out of danger now, man, calm down!', and told him he could visit Richie once they had returned from the hospital.

Three and a half. That's the number of inches that, by counting with them, saved Richie's life. That means that if Richie was three and a half inches shorter at the time of the accident, the impact of the trophy would have induced him a cerebral hemorrhage and a consequent death.

Eddie stops spinning around to look for his inhaler, his ears buzzing so loud he can't hear anything other than Mike's voice repeating thedoctorsaidhecouldhavediedthedoctorsaidhecouldhavediedthedoctorsaidhecouldhavedied. 

One pull is not enough, nor two, and at the third he realizes that four will not be enough either. He has told Richie, he has grown tired of telling Richie and still continued to do so, over and over again, that his damned shelf was fucking dangerous. Hell, he even dragged Ben to Richie's room so he could have a look and nodded vigorously throughout the expert's response: "It is in fact quite dangerous, Rich. And it will shatter if I try to screw it to the wall, why don't you just put it in the attic? I can make you a new one."

But Richie is as foolish as he is dumb, actually both qualities are closely related, and he refused to get rid of the horrible piece of shit furniture. 

So what if his father had made it? Thank God Wentworth is a dentist and not an architect.

"At least remove the trophy from up there," Eddie had begged, pathetically accepting his defeat. "Please, Richie. One day it will fall and hit you on the head."

And it did. Eddie gives his inhaler a fourth pull. Richie had promised to remove the trophy from up there, and this is how Eddie finds out about his lie, with his fear becoming reality. This is a nightmare. He should have known that Richie wouldn't remove the trophy on his own, Eddie should have removed it himself at that very moment. He is the reason why Richie has that trophy in the first place, being the one who forced him to participate in that stupid Algebra tournament. His chest always swells with pride at the memory of Richie accepting the prize, of the audience loudly applauding Richie, of Richie's shy smile... 

Right now, though? The memory is making him sick.

Eddie throws the inhaler away, and the object disarms against one of the corners of his room. He is now very aware of how ridiculous it is to pretend that without that shit he would stop breathing. Like, he obviously won't be able to stop breathing until he sees Richie, dazed and disoriented under his sheets, making jokes for every insult Eddie directs towards him. Maybe he will die after that, and then he would have given Richie a taste of his own medicine, but until then dying is not an option. 

When his phone starts to vibrate, Eddie is already out of his room and halfway down the stairs. But on the other line he finds Bill, and he can't contain a groan of disappointment and frustration.

"Gee, thanks Ed. Good afternoon to you too."

"Bill, I'm waiting for Mike to c-"

"I'm with Mike, dumbass."

"What?" Eddie asks, sharp and agitated, taking a deep breath to perform his latest number of Hysteria. "You are at the hospital? Why am _ I _ not at the hospital? Honestly, why is everyone at the hospital except me? I am the one who should be there, I am the closest to Richie! Bill, I swear, don't try to stop me, and tell Maggie that I don't care about her reasons for not wanting me there but I'm getting out of my house now, and- "

"Woah, calm the fuck down. I'm not at the hospital. And if you want to know Maggie's reasons for not wanting you there, maybe you should have recorded your mental breakdown."

Eddie stops right in front of the entrance door, loosening his grip on the handle. "Mike is at my house, Maggie told him to get some rest since you would probably go to her house later to take care of Richie."

Eddie's breath catches in his throat. "Oh."

"Yeah, _ oh _," Bill laughs. "Was that really necessary, though? Because I'm the closest to Richie, Bill! We have sleepovers on weekdays and we go to the movies on Sundays without inviting y'all!" Bill teases, in a poor attempt to imitate Eddie's voice, and Eddie's face heats up to the tip of his ears. "Oh, if you only knew all the things I know about him that you don't! Blah blah blah blah."

"Okay, okay, I get it."

"What I was trying to say before you got weirdly jealous of your boyfriend-"

"I didn't... and he's not..."

"What I was trying to say is that Maggie is signing the papers to take Richie home, now. She will call you to let you know when you can go."

Eddie collapses on the sofa of his living room, wants to be near the door when Maggie calls. "He's awake?" 

"Mhm. Unbearably awake. Mike says he asked for you like four times already and he told Maggie that the trophy had expanded his brain so much that he got gifted with telekinesis."

Eddie lets out a laugh that quickly turns into an ugly sob. "Eddie?" Bill asks, sounding concerned. "Ed, are you crying?"

"Of course not," Eddie lies, struggling with his tears even though the trembling in his voice was enough proof to give him away. "Who do you think I am? Beverly?" Which was not fair, since they never saw Beverly cry. Ah, stereotypes, what can I tell you.

"Eddie-"

"Thanks for calling, Bill. See you tomorrow."

Eddie ends the call before Bill can protest. It hurts when he swallows, his throat feels tight and not by a knot, but by thousands of them. But he can't cry. Maggie will call soon.

He cannot understand why everyone is acting as if nothing happened. Mike, for example, left the hospital without protesting and went straight to Bill's house. If Eddie was there, neither Maggie nor the nurses nor the actual security body of the hospital could make him leave Richie's side. They would have to go over his dead body, literally. 

And Bill? At least Mike sounded uneasy when he called, but Bill spoke to Eddie the way he does when he tells him some gossip of his classmates from the art club, or when he calls asking for help with his Physics homework.

His phone lights up with a couple of messages sent to the Losers group.

**Stan**

You guys heard what happened to Richie's dumb ass? 

LOL 

**Bev **

yeah i've laughed for five minutes straight 

**Ben**

Guys! 

Don't be mean 

**Bev**

i'm sorry rich i love you but it's hilarious

**Bill**

GUYS ASNWNSBBE 

I KNOW 

mike says stop he could have died 

**Stan**

So what? 

He didn't

**Bill**

i'm screaming 

**Bev**

we should visit him tomorrow 

**Ben**

Yes 

**Stan**

@Bill ask Mike if we should go during or after class 

**Bill **

during as in instead of? 

i can't skip any more classes 

**Bev **

okay so after 

Eddie stops reading. He feels lost, why is everyone behaving like this? Do they have incomplete information? Are they incapable of take on how serious Richie's accident was? Or has Eddie been friends with five assholes for most of his life without realizing? 

But then it occurs to him to change the question, because he remembers his third-grade teacher telling the most insufferable girl in his classroom that if all her classmates had a problem _ with _ her, then most likely the problem _ was _ her. Harsh, yes. Eddie was not surprised when he learned that was the last time she taught in a third grade. Harsh, but true.

So Eddie changes the question, why is _ he _ behaving like this?

Why is he the only one who doesn't find the situation funny like, at all?

Why, if all his friends take the news so lightly, he is about to win a one-way ticket to the nearest mental institution?

He can't find the answer. The only thing Eddie knows is that since he was informed of the accident, and even with Richie already out of danger, his mind didn't stop making him wonder about the _ what ifs. _

Like, what if Richie had died? Eddie shivers at the thought. With trembling fingers he searches his last conversation with Richie on his phone.

**Rich **

okay gotta go mike is here to help me with my essay of the french revolution 

**Eddie**

*gasp* 

why you didn't ask ME for help

**Rich**

eds you hate history 

**Eddie**

so? 

**Rich**

why are you pretending like it's not a good reason

also if i asked you we wouldn't get anything done

**Eddie**

ok

**Rich**

aw 

don't get jealous 

i'm just using mike for his brains but you know i'm all yours 

**Eddie**

ugh

just shut up and go study

**Rich**

oh captain my captain 

bye gorgeous

**Eddie **

bye dickhead 

And _ oh my God _. If Richie had died, 'bye dickhead' would have been Eddie's last words. That's just bullshit. Okay, maybe Eddie spends 70% of his time insulting Richie and the remaining 30% of said time insulting Richie but in a softer way, but he has, like, millions of things to confess to him in case of an alleged last conversation.

Yes, for example, that Eddie wouldn't watch movies if it wasn't for him. It would never occur to Eddie to use part of his spare time to watch a movie unless Richie asks him to. And the only times he really enjoys them is when Richie is watching them next to him, laughing loudly or at the verge of crying, talking during the entirety of the movie. 

Or that the reason of why Eddie in completely random scenarios uses to ask him for the capital of a random country, is because he is fascinated with the functioning of Richie's mind. Obsessed, even, but it's not his fault! The boy knows by heart the capital of Equatorial Guinea and then doesn't remember the date of the American Revolution. Surely Piaget would share Eddie's obsession.

Or that Eddie doesn't really hate the stupid names Richie loves to call him for. They are loaded with a familiarity that never fails to make him feel warm and safe, no matter where he is. That's why he pretends to hate them, knowing that Richie will never stop making them up if he thinks it infuriates Eddie. 

Or that Richie is the only person Eddie never gets tired of. Which is also bullshit, because Richie is loud and exasperating, and is able to exhaust everyone's patience in two minutes of interaction. Well, everyone's patience except Eddie's, that is.

Eddie could spend hours watching Richie play with his dog, or watch him draw ridiculous and bizarre cartoons, or watch him chat with a stranger as if he had known them his whole life, or watch him talk with his hands while he tells the same story for the tenth time. 

He could spend hours listening to him humming songs of the Jacksons Five, or listen to him imitate the sound of the guitars of his favorite jazz solos.

Eddie could spend his entire life seeing Richie's eyes shine in always the same scenes of West Side Story, his brows furrowed when he concentrates on his comics, his cheeks flushed when Maggie or Went recognize any of his qualities, his satisfied smile when he makes Eddie laugh from a terrible joke...

It's a lot to say and sometimes difficult to explain, however, so Eddie assumes he can sum it all up in a simple 'I love you', and.

Oh

Oh _ shit _.

Eddie can sum it all up in a simple 'I love you.' 

Because Eddie loves Richie. And not like Bev loves Richie, but rather like Bev loves Ben.

The realization causes him to choke on the same air he's letting fill his lungs.

How come he hadn't noticed before? Hell, Eddie has been in love with his best friend for years now, and he only notices because Richie almost died? That's also bullshit! Like, the stupidest shit ever. He is stupid, he is so, so stupid. And not only for being negligent towards his own feelings, but for having those feelings in the first place.

Richie is stupid, too, because he is the reason for Eddie's feelings, and because an Algebra trophy hit him in the head and almost murdered him. Like, seriously, who the fuck dies like that? Richie is so stupid. Eddie is hopelessly in love with Stupid.

No, that can't be, can it? Eddie must be suffering a serious episode of schizophrenia. Perhaps it was him who got knocked out by the trophy instead of Richie, and now he is delirious in an induced coma. He can't be in love with Richie Tozier, Jesus, _ that's _ the stupidest shit ever. Eddie should be in love with someone like Julie Foster, she's cute, she smells good, she's a woman, for God's sake! and she doesn't want to understand that Eddie is not interested in her in the slightest. 

Eddie is hyperventilating, he needs to wake up from the coma as soon as possible. He gets it now, why he never stayed after school to see the cheerleaders practice like his gross classmates used to. Why at fourteen he had to close the porn website that Bill had recommended the Losers before even clicking on a video. Why he gets away from every girl who gets a little too close to him and, when someone asks him what the fuck is his problem, he says that he can't picture her as something more than a friend.

Eddie grew up believing that it was all his mother's fault for having caused him so many childhood traumas, but now he gets it. 

He... He is- He likes-

His phone vibrates in his hands, again, which are trembling so much it looks like he is having an epilepsy attack. It's Maggie. Of course it is. Suddenly, and even though he waited hours for that moment, Eddie doesn't feel ready to talk to her. He feels that his voice will betray him, and Maggie will know, and then Richie will know, and-

Eddie answers just an instant before losing the call. "Hello?"

"Eddie, hello." Maggie says, sighing. "We're home. Look, it's late, why don't you just come tomorrow-"

"No, please," Eddie interrupts her without thinking, and sounds so desperate that he really is ashamed of himself. What the hell is wrong with him? It's like he wants everyone to know. He could go out with a shirt that said 'I love Richie Tozier' now and it wouldn't make a difference. Maggie remains silent, waiting for him to continue. "I… I would like to see him now, if that's okay?"

"Yes, of course. Then we'll be waiting for you."

"Yeah, okay, thanks Maggie."

Eddie is already out of his house when Maggie says: "Thanks to you, honey."

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated!


End file.
